Three Reasons Why I Can’t Be A Sixers Fan

I found myself watching the Sixers/Lakers game last week.

Not good.

I can’t lie, I feel myself getting drawn in to all of the excitement, but there are three, very real reasons why I just cannot be a Sixers fan: Emotional Damage, Scheduling Conflicts, and Drawer Space.

1. Emotional Damage: There are countless things that could go into this category to exemplify my point, but I shall explain through three dramatic dates in 2009.

a. January 18, 2009: Less than three months removed from the Phillies championship parade down Broad Street, the Eagles were in the NFC Championship game. Everyone was talking about Philadelphia being the next Title Town, and finally stepping into the forefront of America’s sports cities. After an up and down season (you know the one with the tie to the Bengals), they defeated the Vikings, and the defending Super Bowl Champion Giants in the first two rounds of the playoffs. Problem was the Eagles weren’t actually very good and they lost (again) in the NFC Championship game. 2009 Bummer #1.

b. April 25, 2009: After a horrendous end to the season (which started right around the deadline deal of Scottie Upshall for Dan Carcillo) the Flyers slipped down in the conference standings and lost home-ice advantage in the playoffs. They opened up on the road against Pittsburgh, where the Penguins dominated both games. After battling back to get the series to 3-2, the Flyers had a commanding three goal lead in Game 6 at home… and lost. Stupid Penguins. 2009 Bummer #2.

c. November 4, 2009: AKA one of the WORST DAYS EVER. I won’t even really bother going into too much detail here. There’s no reason to. Phillies lose the World Series to the Yankees. 2009 Bummer #3.

If I had cared equally about the April 30, 2009 Sixers first round loss to the Orlando Magic as I did about the other three losses, I think I may have snapped. Uhh, snapped more than I already did.

2. Scheduling Conflicts: I am really bad at only having a slight interest in things. If I like something, I tend to borderline obsess over it. Whether it's my three sports teams, John Mayer, or – apparently – dips, I dive in head first. While I have been told several times by a variety of people that I don’t actually HAVE to watch every game, it’s not really something I’m comfortable with. When you love something, why would you want to do something else? I often rearrange or make plans around my ability to watch games, and adding a fourth team would just be too much. For example, this is what my schedule would have looked like last week if I cared about the Sixers:

Saturday, February 4: Flyers vs. Devils
Saturday, February 4: Sixers vs. Hawks
Sunday, February 5: Flyers vs. Rangers
Sunday, February 5: Super Bowl
Monday, February 6: Sixers vs. Lakers
Tuesday, February 7: Flyers vs. Islanders
Wednesday, February 8: Sixers vs. Spurs
Thursday, February 9: Flyers vs. Maple Leafs
Friday, February 10: Sixers vs. Clippers
Saturday, February 11: Flyers vs. Rangers
Saturday, February 11: Sixers vs. Cavaliers
Sunday, February 12: Flyers vs. Red Wings

Okay, no one likes sports more than I do, but with baseball around the corner, even I need a mental break. As I type right now I’m watching The Voice. Yeah, The Voice. Why? Because I need some things to talk to the rest of the female population about! Well, that and Adam Levine is so ridiculously attractive. But really, that schedule is absurd, and we know if I really got into the Sixers I would have found a way to watch every one of those games.

3. Drawer Space: You may be asking yourself, “What does this have to do with watching the Sixers?” If you are, you need to go back and read point #2 again. It's a documented fact that I have a serious Philadelphia sports merchandise problem. There are two huge storage containers packed full of memorabilia crammed beneath my bed... and three more in the garage. I have two entire drawers full of t-shirts, and a good portion of my closet is full of jerseys and sweatshirts. (See picture below, taken both to illustrate my point and also because I needed to reorganize my drawers anyway.) I literally, couldn't possibly add any Sixers stuff into my collection, and what kind of fan doesn't have at least one little t-shirt?

Long story short, I hope the Sixers do well, but for my quality of life, it’s probably better that I don’t partake.

*Author’s Note: Is there a support program for Modells addicts? I wanted to count, but I think it would lead me to face that I actually have a problem. Not to mention, I haven’t done laundry in a while, so I’m pretty sure the total wouldn’t be complete. There will probably be more on this in the future…