ESPN Stole My Idea – No big deal

If imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, I guess ESPN loves me. Now I never imagined that my blog would catch on so fast, but this is hard evidence to the contrary. Thanks ESPN. I love you too! (And I’ll be expecting some kind of check in the mail any day now…)

Three Reasons Why I Can’t Be A Sixers Fan

I found myself watching the Sixers/Lakers game last week.

Not good.

I can’t lie, I feel myself getting drawn in to all of the excitement, but there are three, very real reasons why I just cannot be a Sixers fan: Emotional Damage, Scheduling Conflicts, and Drawer Space.

1. Emotional Damage: There are countless things that could go into this category to exemplify my point, but I shall explain through three dramatic dates in 2009.

a. January 18, 2009: Less than three months removed from the Phillies championship parade down Broad Street, the Eagles were in the NFC Championship game. Everyone was talking about Philadelphia being the next Title Town, and finally stepping into the forefront of America’s sports cities. After an up and down season (you know the one with the tie to the Bengals), they defeated the Vikings, and the defending Super Bowl Champion Giants in the first two rounds of the playoffs. Problem was the Eagles weren’t actually very good and they lost (again) in the NFC Championship game. 2009 Bummer #1.

b. April 25, 2009: After a horrendous end to the season (which started right around the deadline deal of Scottie Upshall for Dan Carcillo) the Flyers slipped down in the conference standings and lost home-ice advantage in the playoffs. They opened up on the road against Pittsburgh, where the Penguins dominated both games. After battling back to get the series to 3-2, the Flyers had a commanding three goal lead in Game 6 at home… and lost. Stupid Penguins. 2009 Bummer #2.

c. November 4, 2009: AKA one of the WORST DAYS EVER. I won’t even really bother going into too much detail here. There’s no reason to. Phillies lose the World Series to the Yankees. 2009 Bummer #3.

If I had cared equally about the April 30, 2009 Sixers first round loss to the Orlando Magic as I did about the other three losses, I think I may have snapped. Uhh, snapped more than I already did.

2. Scheduling Conflicts: I am really bad at only having a slight interest in things. If I like something, I tend to borderline obsess over it. Whether it's my three sports teams, John Mayer, or – apparently – dips, I dive in head first. While I have been told several times by a variety of people that I don’t actually HAVE to watch every game, it’s not really something I’m comfortable with. When you love something, why would you want to do something else? I often rearrange or make plans around my ability to watch games, and adding a fourth team would just be too much. For example, this is what my schedule would have looked like last week if I cared about the Sixers:

Saturday, February 4: Flyers vs. Devils
Saturday, February 4: Sixers vs. Hawks
Sunday, February 5: Flyers vs. Rangers
Sunday, February 5: Super Bowl
Monday, February 6: Sixers vs. Lakers
Tuesday, February 7: Flyers vs. Islanders
Wednesday, February 8: Sixers vs. Spurs
Thursday, February 9: Flyers vs. Maple Leafs
Friday, February 10: Sixers vs. Clippers
Saturday, February 11: Flyers vs. Rangers
Saturday, February 11: Sixers vs. Cavaliers
Sunday, February 12: Flyers vs. Red Wings

Okay, no one likes sports more than I do, but with baseball around the corner, even I need a mental break. As I type right now I’m watching The Voice. Yeah, The Voice. Why? Because I need some things to talk to the rest of the female population about! Well, that and Adam Levine is so ridiculously attractive. But really, that schedule is absurd, and we know if I really got into the Sixers I would have found a way to watch every one of those games.

3. Drawer Space: You may be asking yourself, “What does this have to do with watching the Sixers?” If you are, you need to go back and read point #2 again. It's a documented fact that I have a serious Philadelphia sports merchandise problem. There are two huge storage containers packed full of memorabilia crammed beneath my bed... and three more in the garage. I have two entire drawers full of t-shirts, and a good portion of my closet is full of jerseys and sweatshirts. (See picture below, taken both to illustrate my point and also because I needed to reorganize my drawers anyway.) I literally, couldn't possibly add any Sixers stuff into my collection, and what kind of fan doesn't have at least one little t-shirt?

Long story short, I hope the Sixers do well, but for my quality of life, it’s probably better that I don’t partake.

*Author’s Note: Is there a support program for Modells addicts? I wanted to count, but I think it would lead me to face that I actually have a problem. Not to mention, I haven’t done laundry in a while, so I’m pretty sure the total wouldn’t be complete. There will probably be more on this in the future…

The Dip-Off

The 2011 NFL season may be remembered for a lot of things, like the infamous Asante Samuel butt tackle, or the Giants magical run to their second Super Bowl victory over Bradichick. There were plenty of indelible moments, but, for me, this season was about something FAR more important – and it only kind of had to do with football.

In 2010, I missed eight football Sundays due to my then interning responsibilities with the New York Jets. While yes, it was a memorable, informative experience, I couldn’t escape the reality of how much I missed sitting on my couch, watching the games on TV and eating all sorts of fun Sunday snacks. I also really missed sweatpants. It turns out, part of the reason I love football so much is the experience of doing nothing, while doing so much, for 21 delightful Sundays.

I decided to celebrate 2011 with a food competition unlike many have ever seen before. The Dip-Off consisted of a battle between 16 dips – one per Sunday of football season, allowing myself one bye, because it turns out making dip each week is kind of tiring. The best dips would then move on to the playoffs, with the winner being crowned on Dipper Bowl Sunday. (Yeah, no one actually called it that. I just thought of it now. Damn it. I would have napkins made. Anyway…)

The schedule looked like this:

Week 1: 8 Layer Taco Dip

Week 2: Turtle Cheesecake Dip (Yes, Turtle Cheesecake Dip)

Week 3: Loaded Baked Potato Dip

Week 4: Buffalo Chicken Dip

Week 5: Pizza Dip

Week 6: Spinach and Artichoke Dip

Week 7: Kahlua Dip

Week 8: Pumpkin Dip

Week 9: Bruschetta Dip

Week 10: Mexican Corn Dip

Week 11: Chili Dip

Week 12: Chocolate Mousse Dip

Week 13: Parmesan Crab Dip

Week 14: Greek Feta and Olive Dip

Week 15: Black Bean Salsa Dip

Week 16: Baked Brie Dip

You’ll see that the dips covered a wide range of ethnicities and types. Dessert tips were completely perfect for night games, and my friends and family have rarely been so thankful for my existence. I was even able to plan ahead and make dips to coincide with special occasions, like Pumpkin Dip around Thanksgiving and Loaded Baked Potato Dip during Wildwood’s Irish Weekend.

At the end of the regular season, I chose six dips to advance to the playoffs, seeded them, and arranged them into a bracket. (Note: The bracket started in the divisional round because I got too confused to try and incorporate Wild Card weekend. Make fun, but you try. It’s hard.) The top two seeds got an automatic bye to Championship Sunday.

The seeds looked like this:

1. Turtle Cheesecake Dip

2. Pizza Dip

3. Bruschetta Dip

4. Pumpkin Dip

5. Baked Brie Dip

6. Black Bean Salsa Dip (Chef’s note: Pair with Magic Hat #9 for a delicious, complimentary orangey flavor)

During Divisional Weekend, it was easy to see who got eliminated from the NFL playoffs, but choosing between strong performances by Dips 3-6 wasn’t as straight forward. A panel of four people (with incredibly strong food judgment, might I add) decided that Pumpkin Dip was a lock to move on, but they were upset that Loaded Baked Potato Dip didn’t make the top six. So, we threw the bracket out the window and replaced Black Bean Salsa Dip with Loaded Baked Potato.

Then, on Championship Sunday, we ate seeds 1 and 2 as well as Loaded Baked Potato, and had to pick two of the six overall to advance to the finals. Turtle Cheesecake Dip and Pizza Dip advanced easily, with Pumpkin Dip coming in a close third. It might not have been a perfect system, but we definitely got the call right.

Then, between the 3^rd and 4^th quarter of the Super Bowl, the people spoke and voted Turtle Cheesecake Dip the winner of the 2011 Dip-Off by a final vote of 8-5.

On behalf of Turtle Cheesecake, I would like to thank all of those who made the Dip-Off possible, including the consumers of the dip, my co-conspirators, and Google. I would like to apologize to the teenage girl at my grocery store who I started to freak out and ended up having to avoid on Saturday mornings because of my no doubt seemingly strange need to buy so much cream cheese every weekend.

Now, what to do in 2012…

Sports Fans Need to Learn How to Window Shop

Sports fans need a serious lesson in window shopping. When you window shop, you go to the mall, walk around, peruse the expensive stuff you’ll never actually buy, and then you leave. Window shopping involves spending no money (except perhaps on a delicious Auntie Anne’s pretzel, which we all know is not actually a waste), and no buyer’s remorse. It’s a win-win for everyone involved.

Sounds nice doesn’t it? Well, that’s exactly what All-Star Games are all about. The games give viewers the chance to admire talent they don’t get to see often, all without the pressure and the permanent scars left from Johnny Damon double-steals in the World Series and the like.

Yet, no one seems to watch?

I know the formats aren’t perfect. Fan voting turned All-Star Games into worse popularity contests than homecoming court, and resulted in 87 Ottawa Senators on one hockey team. The Pro Bowl got moved to the Bye week before the Super Bowl to avoid, as Roger Goodell said, "a somewhat anticlimactic" end to the season. Now people hate it even more. Oh, and then there’s Bud Selig and the whole “This Time It Counts (again and again and again),” thing. I mean deciding who gets home field advantage in the World Series by who wins an exhibition game? Really?

Disagree with these things as you might (and I do), the leagues are doing what they can to keep the events alive, bring in some viewers, and draw some revenue from them. It’s a business. I get that part. But what I don’t get is why these games don’t gather the usual, ravenous fan base?

Near as I can figure, it’s the lack of actual competition, which is sort of sad when you think about it. If people can’t be completely emotionally invested in something, it’s like it just doesn’t matter. But isn’t that exactly the point? These games don’t matter. These events are supposed to be an opportunity for the best and brightest to show off their skills and for us the fans to enjoy their talent. No one’s supposed to live or die by these things.

In this year’s NHL All-Star Skills Competition, the sport showed off the fact that it’s stronger than it’s been in a long time. Players that aren’t Ovechkin or Crosby displayed their personalities and talents in a hell of an entertaining evening. Patrick Kane both dressed up like Superman and put together an exploding puck. Goalies were practically doing somersaults in net. And, Daniel Sedin was Daniel Sedin all over the passing competition. (See YouTube here, 13:45 mark or preferably just watch the whole video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5TnnohSzTzs) The night had no impact on anything – it was just fun.

The Home Run Derby and Midsummer Classic are two of my favorite days of the year. The best baseball players from the first half of the season gather together to hit the crap out of some baseballs and play each other in an exhibition game, just like all the baseball All-Stars have done every year before them (the Derby as we know since 1985 and the Game since 1933). Players bring their kids, enjoy the honor of being an All-Star and then proceed into the best months of the season. What’s not to like? Why does it have to matter?

I’m sure even on post #2 you’ve all figured out that I’m a bit of a purist, but if you put the best talents in a sport on TV in a celebration of skill, individual achievement, and the sport itself, I’ll be watching… even if I’m the only one.